Life
This feels embarrassing, but I'll write things here anyway just because I want to.
January 1st, 2026
Very very happy new year.
Anyways, I often wonder why people are nice to me. I cry whenever somebody seems to really care about me, especially if It's somebody I really like talking to. But whatever. I've been wondering about the end of the world. I mean, I can't wait to see what'll happen but I also really don't want to be here to experience it. Probably way in the future. What if aliens save us? Or what if they are the ones to destroy earth? I doubt it, humans will destroy earth, not aliens. Maybe I'm wrong. Most likely. I mean, we could all just be one single person. But I wouldn't know.
People must know answers. No one can be trusted. You form relationships with people you deem fit. My brain is going to be scanned soon because they need to know if I have a tumor that's making me hallucinate and have delusions. I can't stop believing these things, but I know they are most likely fake. But I can't know, I'm only trapped in my mind. I could not be real at all. Maybe if I'm not real, that would be better. For myself and others. I like a guy, but I'm scared I'll hurt him like I've hurt others. And that would be terrible, he's the only person I've ever truly cared about. Everybody else is the same. They are all the same and you are too, you just don't believe it because apparently you're "real".
January 17th, 2026I'm taking prozac now. My mom wants me to take zoloft instead, I don't understand the difference. I still have to get a psychiatrist though. I feel a bit better, I'll wait to see if I improve with time.
January 18th, 2026I feel I am improving. I've barely started taking the medication but I'm feeling better, that's all that matters. But It's probably placebo affect. I'll see if anything changes later on.
January 26th, 2026I have a bad but good feeling. It feels good and bad. I went to the thrift yesterday though, that was fun. I have a feeling I'll die.
January 28th, 2026I told the guy I like that, well, I like him. He hasn't responded, It's been 2 days. He could've said no or yes or anything inbetween. I just wanted a reply, but I guess I'm not worth taking 5 seconds to write back to because my feelings are stupid and aren't true enough for him or whatever bullshit. I'm not mad, I just think It's fucked up somebody I actually feel something towards doesn't want to write back. But hopefully he's just processing it and doesn't actually hate me enough to not respond.
February 2nd, 2026I have been told venus is coming soon, and saturns rings are ringing. People are annoying.
February 4th, 2026My legs feel weak. I don't know why but I keep having trouble walking. I just feel so tired. I don't want to do anything important, only lying in bed playing games or something. Not even sleeping, I just want to relax. Everything is becoming boring.
February 12th, 2026I'm doing a petition because I got lunch detention for having my iPad charged at 79% when it drained overnight. The rule is for it to be at 80%. This is illogical.
February 19th, 2026I'm back on prozac, I got switched to zoloft awhile ago because of my mom. I just kinda forgot to write it in here that I switched to zoloft but now back to prozac. But, I feel like my world is crumbling even if it isn't actually. It's not like I'm dying, but I FEEL like I am. Nobody listens at all, never. Something is ruined. Like, terribly ruined. It sounds dumb but you've got to understand how I feel. He doesn't like me back.